Life
Feeling lots of things. Excitement, hope, passion, infatuation, nervousness, indecision, fear, throwing-up-my-hands-at-all-the-small-mistakes-I’ve-already-made-today, in-friendship-ness, gratitude, failure, ...
On the meta-level, not quite sure whether I’m feeling gently annoyed at my childish, volatile state, or whether I feel bright-eyed at its aliveness. Wondering whether maybe that’s what it feels like to really live.
Feeling happy and okay with unresolvedness today. Sitting by a little pond that’s both peaceful and convivial. Was randomly reminded of this song about batman, and heroism, and brotherly love.. and it just, it just makes me happy, and I feel so silly, and a childlike lightness about that.
Feeling so much. Feels stormy. Also feels alive. Part of me thinks, maybe, that's what it feels like to be human. So fallible. (So fallible!) So many good things, so many bad things, and all of it in hundreds and thousands of different shades and colours.
Grateful to be alive, grateful to be able to feel. Also tired, also a sense of defeat. Defeat smells of sadness, and it also smells of peace. I welcome that peace.
Want to dig myself deep into my blankets and sleep until a new world welcomes me at the other side, in a hundred thousand imaginary years from now.